


Heart to Break

by rebeccaofsbfarm



Series: First Kiss Week [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buddie First Kiss Week 2020, FKW, M/M, Pride, ambiguous ending, first kiss week, pansexual!buck, prompt: pride-related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24498931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebeccaofsbfarm/pseuds/rebeccaofsbfarm
Summary: Buck comes out as pansexual and Eddie insists on supporting him by marching next to him at the LA Pride Parade.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: First Kiss Week [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765291
Comments: 9
Kudos: 223





	Heart to Break

**Author's Note:**

> For lack of a better title, song is by Kim Petras. This is short and sweet by my usual standards. Hope you like.

“Eddie, this is your last chance to back out,” Buck says from the back seat of Hen’s vehicle. “I know you’re uncomfortable, and Hen and Karen will be there to support me. You can sit this one out.”

“Absolutely not,” Eddie argues, climbing into the back seat next to him. “You said having me there would help, so I’m there. That’s how this works.”

Buck begrudgingly smiles, an admittance that he had hoped Eddie wouldn’t retract his offer. This was the first year that Buck had felt confident enough to come out fully to the department as pansexual, and Hen had encouraged him to walk with her and Karen with the LAFD in the Pride parade. When he had told Eddie about his nerves, about being on display as both a firefighter and a queer person, Eddie had offered to come with him.

“If that’s okay?” Eddie had asked. “Can I come just to be supportive without identifying as a member of the community itself? I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.”

Hen had reached across the kitchen table, covered his hand with hers, “Pride is about love, all love, so your love of this community and of us is enough.”

Buck had smiled, secure in the knowledge that Eddie truly had his back, even on this. He knew how lucky he was to have a male best friend that had reacted so well to the knowledge he was attracted to men, but this was more than he could have asked for. To prove his intent, Eddie taps the event into his phone, then turns to show it to Buck. Sure enough, Eddie has typed the event into his calendar, even uses a little Pride flag in the title.

Part of him had expected Eddie to back out, but in the weeks leading up to Pride he had discussed that he’d found a sitter for Christopher, asked Buck what he was wearing, and made plans to carpool with Hen and Karen. Buck was in awe.

And now Eddie is sitting next to him, wearing his LAFD shirt with a pair of rainbow suspenders that he had bought himself. Buck tweaks one, and he sees that Eddie has also found pins that describe him as a **Proud Ally** and that **Love is Love**. Buck feels so much tenderness for him, and he is so careful to keep just enough emotional distance to accept and value Eddie’s love for him, as platonic as it is. If he lets himself, if he isn’t vigilant, Buck might find himself wishing for more.

Hen has years of experience driving an ambulance, so she finds parking easier than most in the crowd gathering on Santa Monica Boulevard, and since she’d done this in years past, she leads them to the staging area. There are two or three fire trucks, with fellow firefighters gathered around them in various stages of representation, like they are measuring their identities as part queer or part of the LAFD with their Pride outfits and finding some balance. Buck has a custom shirt, one that has the letters LAFD printed in the colors of the Pride flag, and a pair of rainbow sunglasses.

Eddie sidles up to him as they wait for direction, glancing over the gathered firefighters.

“See anybody you like?” he asks, and Buck can’t believe that Eddie is trying to play at being a wingman right now. “You know, some say it’s easier to date another firefighter because they get what it’s like.”

He knows that Eddie doesn’t realize what he’s doing. He couldn’t suspect how precarious Buck’s hold on their friendship is, how hard it is to be purely platonic when Eddie is teasing him, nudging him with his bicep in that tight shirt and those stupid _supportive_ suspenders.

“Geez, I don’t even know your type,” Eddie says, then chuckles to himself. “Wait, you’re pansexual? Does that mean you don’t have a type?”

 _Oh, I do_ , Buck thinks, frustrated with himself and with the idea of having Eddie next to him in this parade with all these couples. _Tall, dark, and oblivious._

“You’re very funny,” Buck replies facetiously, squinting his face and wrinkling his nose. “Though it’s certainly an improvement on Chim asking me if being pansexual meant I was attracted to Peter Pan.”

He had been afraid his friends would act differently around him, that they would avoid him with the weight of the new knowledge, but they’d proved him wrong. They teased him relentlessly, but they always had, so there was comfort in that. If they were comfortable enough to joke about it, it meant they were comfortable with him, even after his revelation.

Hen had been the most accepting, obviously, and had responded to his admission with a roll of her eyes, “I _been_ known Buck. You’d flirt with anything. Sometimes I’m worried I’ll walk past the locker room and find you flirting with yourself in the mirror. But of course, I love you, and I accept every bit of your dumb ass.”

It had been Eddie’s reaction that had worried him the most. He’d waited until after Eddie had put Christopher to bed and collapsed onto the couch next to him. Buck wasn’t sure it was the moment, had been swallowing his confession for days, but Eddie leaned his head back against the sofa and closed his eyes, and it seemed as good a time as any.

“Eddie?” he asked, and Eddie didn’t open his eyes, just hummed in response. “You're my best friend, and I don't want to keep anything from you. I've been thinking a lot about my sexuality, about my relationships with women and men, and I've decided to come out as pansexual. I just wanted you to know.”

Eddie doesn’t move, and for a moment Buck thinks he’s asleep, but then Eddie smiles slowly, fondly, “Thanks for being honest with me Buck. I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me. It also explains why you’ve been flirting with me since we met.”

“I have not,” Buck _lies_ , his cheeks turning red. “So, we’re okay?”

“Of course, we’re okay,” Eddie teases him. “You’re the same guy you were yesterday, and you’re the same guy that has saved my life on more than one occasion. Fuck who you want man.”

The tension dissolves, and the nonsense of the moment makes it easy again. Eddie walks Buck to the door, promises he’ll see him in the morning, and that if Buck’s enormous biceps aren’t enough to discourage bullshit when he tells other people, that Eddie is happy to back him up with his fists.

But that support is nothing like the comfort of having Eddie as his side, marching down the street, flags waving and siren blaring. They walk the length of Santa Monica Boulevard in a crowd of other firefighters, cheering with the crowd as they pass by.

He catches Eddie glancing sideways at him, watching his reaction to the spectacle, to the _pride_ he feels for being entirely himself. When Buck turns to question him, he shoves him with his shoulder before catching his hand. Buck’s heart skips, and it’s a miracle that he keeps walking because his whole world is caught up in staring at their hands.

He looks up to read the expression on Eddie’s face, trying to understand why his straight male friend has crossed over from normal straight male affection into _chaos_. He wants to let go, knows that it’s too much, that it will take him to place in this _crush_ that he will never recover from, but he can’t seem to release Eddie’s fingers from his own.

Eddie squeezes his fingers, trying to boost him, but it’s too much. Buck’s hand leaps away, like Eddie had electrocuted him. Eddie reaches to take his hand back, but Buck evades him.

“Eddie, I can’t—” his voice cracks, and he knows by the look on Eddie’s face that he understands why.

Eddie just smiles, that warm smile that starts somewhere deep in his chest until it slowly fills his face, “I _know_ , Buck.”

“You know?” Buck asks, and this time he does stop, letting the truck pass him by. Other firefighters duck around him to continue in the parade, and Eddie comes back the few steps to collect him. “There’s nothing to know. I’m fine. I just have sweaty palms.”

“Buck, I have eyes,” Eddie reminds him, and he reaches out for Buck’s hand again, and he seems so _sure_ that Buck lets him. He closes his fingers around his hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss his knuckles. “I see the way you look at me. I know.”

 _He knows_. Buck panics, and he wants to take off, steal one of the firetrucks and break through the parade barriers. He feels his body planning its own escape, like he can just bolt, but then Eddie has his hand and his grip is tight now. He’s not letting him go this time.

“I’m going to try something, and I think you’ll like it,” Eddie says, then uses Buck’s hand to pull his stiff body forward. He reaches his other hand to Buck’s jaw and pulls him forward. Gently, he presses his lips to Buck’s, and the whole world stills until it’s just them and this kiss in the middle of the street.

Buck notices the dull roar somewhere in the back of his consciousness, until it grows, and Eddie finally pulls away, laughing into the space between them, because the crowd around them has gone _wild_. Eddie does a little two finger salute at them, then tugs at Buck’s arm, reminding him that they should catch up with the rest of the LAFD contingent.

For the rest of the parade, Buck isn’t sure if his feet touch the ground. He feels like he’s floating off the ground, only tethered to the Earth by Eddie’s fingers clinging to his. He still feels the buzz against his lips from their kiss, and he keeps looking over at Eddie, wondering if they should try it again. Eddie keeps catching he eyes, amused by the dopey, stunned expression that Buck knows is on his face.

Finally, they make it to the end of the parade, and Buck and Eddie excuse themselves from the rest of the firefighters, who start to plan out the rest of their day and where they will go and with whom. As they walk away from them, Buck finally breaks the silence.

“So, are we going to talk about what that was?”

Eddie shrugs, giving Buck’s hand a squeeze, “Hen said it was all about love. I just wanted you to know that I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Oops sorry. Purposely liked having an ambiguous ending on this one. Are they boyfriends? Was Eddie just giving him a platonic smooch? Idk, you decide.


End file.
